The Fast, Days 1-6

January 28, 2007 - 12:10 a.m.

DAY 1-2, Saturday-Sunday

THE WARDROBE

Woke up and chugged 1 quart of SW, not as bad as everyone says. Had a nice normal poop, courtesy of yesterday’s chow-dair and hippy poop tea.

Very out of it, much like how you feel when you haven’t eaten in 8 hours and you’re falling outta yer chair. Weak, spacey. Staring at walls.

I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball right now. There's just no food for the brain so I'm sitting around actually feeling dumb and being entertained by Bewitched. That meatloaf she just served Darrin looks mighty tasty. I can’t watch anything intellectual. No PBS, just MeTV. Whatever, I don't care. I should be feeling better by Mon.

Texted Belle asking him to please bring me some of his 50 million DVDs. No reply.

Newsflash, I’m in no frame of mind to be writing here. I sleep a lot and when I’m awake I lie horizontally and stare and drool.

I’m functioning at about 15%, so this is going to have to wait.

STARTING TO FEEL COLD

DAY 3, Monday

I should have known not to ask Belle anything yesterday, it was that big Bears game that now has sent them to the Superbowl and you know this town is in an uproar. So no, no DVDs from him. Today is going very well. I have a lot of energy and clarity and feel about 95%, but still afraid of pushing it for fear that I might wear down too easily. I got a massage from Belle today!! Hooo mama. I was so thrilled I had a Joker's grin the whole time. Unfortunately he only had 40 minutes for me and couldn't do my whole body but he got the important stuff, the back, arms, shoulders, head, hands, chest. The stuff I work on the most I guess. I had stopped letting him massage me when I got a boyfriend cuz I thought it was inappropriate to be getting private naked massages from an ex, even tho in my mind I knew there was nothing going on. But it's been over 2 years since I've had a massage from him and I am so over due! He tore my shit up, it was sooooo painful I was dying because it felt like he was putting my veins through a meat grinder but I loved it.

Then I went and got my eyebrows did and went to Stanley's for more lemons. It's torture being in a grocery store and not being able to buy anything but lemons. They had a huge rack of homemade chocolate covered strawberries and I woulda killed for one. I found all of my keys in the deep dark crevices of my car seat! I'm feeling all energetic now so I need to be productive while I can.

LATER

I guess drinking that decaf chamomile sleepy tea was a huge mistake because my stomach is grumbling all over the place like day 1. And I only had about 1/4 of my mug. No tea allowed. Dually noted. Also, From Kristin Tracy, the girl who fasted: "Mistake number 2 is particularly relevant, I think. 'Not recognizing cravings, tiredness, boredom, etc. as detox symptoms and not knowing they will go away with the next mornings' eliminations.' The fast is described as having two cycles: Agitate and Rinse. I'm still on Agitate. [On day 3]” from The Raw Food Site.

FORGOT TO WEIGH MYSELF ON DAY 1, NOT SURE WHAT I’VE LOST.

DAY 4, Tuesday

Today was a shit day. I felt bad the whole day but had plans to meet my personal trainer at the gym so I went anyway. I was so weak, and so so pale I looked like a ghost. I feel very cold, all the time. I am assuming that eating food and the process of digesting it gets the blood flowing and is responsible for making the body warm. Yeah, I am always bitching about the cold, but this is different. I feel cold inside, not on the surface of my skin. Chilled to the bone. Just even getting in my car had me shaking with shivers. I never “warmed up” or sweated at the gym. Afterwards, went to trainer’s house and watched Curb Your Enthusiasm and downloaded photos we had taken at the gym. I kept my wool sweater and huge down jacket on for the whole hour I was at his house and never got hot. Felt normal.

All manner of withdrawal or detoxing going on. My head will not stop fucking pounding with this insistent headache. I will have to take Advil, it’s been hours now and it’s getting worse.

The morning SWF has become a gagging nightmare. What nasty shit. Feels like drinking a giant slug that then leaves a snail trail of slime all down my throat. Drinking SW sounds like a simple task, but the water feels 20 times denser than regular water. Try a quart of that shit. I would not at all be surprised if this wasn’t a physiological reaction, the body rejecting this substance that it knows will kill it. I don’t think any animal is capable of utilizing salt water.

I’m so lethargic and weak and having major body pains. Have to wonder if it isn’t a result of that deep tissue massage I had yesterday. That is also supposed to release toxins from the muscles and fat and then you’re supposed to drink a liter of water to flush it out, which I did. I’ve been through the ringer. I can literally hardly move at all or find the strength to juice the lemons. My house is a mess, I can’t do laundry. I’m so irritated; I had planned on being productive during my time off.

I'm drinkin my tea and going to bed soon cuz I have to get up 2-3 hours before work in order to cleanse/shit before I leave. ugh.

LOOK HOW PALE I AM. UH-OH…

DAY 5, Wednesday

THIS IS MY LIFE, 24/7, ALL LEMONS ALL THE TIME

I dunno what's going on here but I feel like total shit. I'm so disappointed. Yesterday was mostly a bust, I did go to the gym but the whole day I felt weak and tired and FREEZING cold all the time. Got to the point of wearing a t-shirt, thermal long underwear, with a thick outdoor fleece jacket over that, giant socks, and bundled on the couch under THREE blankets. I busted out another big comforter for that. And I didn't leave the couch, sat there with the laptop and the TV bundled all day and night and managed to feel ok but not really warm. Still totally out of it mentally. Today at work is miserable, I really want to go home but stubbornly refuse to lose a vacation day to do it. I'm so tired and out of it I'm making mistakes left and right, I'm hungry all the time, WTF?! I'm following this diet to a T, minus the Cayenne but fuck that, it kills me. My whole body aches, my neck and back are so stiff I can't even turn my head to the side at all and there's something tight and pulling at my head. My nose is running like a faucet. I have on 2 sweaters and look ridiculous. The most disappointing is being mentally and physically hungry all the time, this is bullshit. I should be way past that stage, I don't know why my case is so atypical. I was beginning to wonder if I was eating in my sleep or something to fuck this up, but no. You don't know how frustrating this is and how much I want to stop. I might have to go home early because I am so uncomfortable here, on so many levels. Oh, and did I mention totally irritable?? Thanks to being cold, hungry, and tired all the time. Jesus H.

LATER

This feels very much like the flu, and you know how annoying that can be. No lie, my skin is very sensitive and kind of raw, like if I scratch it gently it hurts. Sounds seem loud and intrusive in my ear. I just noticed my forehead feels warm even tho I'm cold. I've been doing the tea and salt flush. Not much comes out but water. I got up at 6 today and the salt water just wouldn't come out and when it finally came it made me late for work. Then 3 hours later at work it ALLLL came out. No idea why it took so long when it usually takes 15-30 minutes. My lemonade has Grade B pure maple syrup (more dense, less sweet than pancake syrup) as a sweetener and it does taste really good. I use slightly less than called for or it gets too sweet. I have a batch of it here at work with me. I'm not sure about yesterday’s workout, if it affected me badly; I felt like total shit before I even went. But I was looking forward to it and wanted to see what I was capable of. I didn't push myself, we were only there for maybe 45 minutes. I was so weak I couldn't even do more than 3-5 reps of anything and I usually do 10-12. My arm muscles are a tiny bit sore but the shit that really hurts is unrelated to the workout I think. I've heard that people work out normally during the fast and have greater energy. I had a short burst of energy on Sun, Day 3, but not since then, and now it is Day 5. I should be all smooth sailing by now and absolutely not hungry at all!! Oh, and also my sense of smell is significantly more acute so the commute on the train this morning was a little nauseating. As if the subway isn’t always pungent with 80 people crammed in there. Luckily the rush hour crowd is working people who bathe everyday. But I could smell 7 different colognes and perfumes.

LATER

Starting to consider the possibility that maybe I do have a cold or the flu and I've just been confused by the symptoms. Just took a deep 1-hour nap on the couch here at work and still feel feverish and achy with some aches in my lungs and chest. Hmmmm.....that would be unfortunate.

I LIKE TO CALL THIS ONE “VARIETY FOR MY SANITY.”

DAY 6, Thursday

Been doing the math and it seems that I drink at least 9-10 POUNDS (150 ozs.+) of liquid every day, so as far as checking weight loss, that seems a little fruitless. Last night I drank 16oz (one pound) and weighed myself and sure enough, had gained one pound from the previous day. That's more than a gallon a day, and I'm only really keeping track of the lemonade and not even really the tea and water I'm drinking. Today I'm trying to keep a tighter tally.

FINISHED ONE WHOLE QUART OF SYRUP, STARTING ON #2

Now I'm so cold that the base of all my fingernails is purple. I look like I'm dead. I'm also to the point where I can no longer drink cold, cool, or even room temperature liquids, they have to be hot or I just shiver!! I am zero productive at home because I am just toooo cold to do anything at all. Jesus! Overall, not quite as sore and as tired yesterday, but still totally spacey and tired. Not in real pain, but not feeling well either. At maybe 50-60%. Still hungry, tummy growling. I'm training the interim manager here at work and I'm making myself look bad by not being able to recall certain things and forgetting where things are saved and other protocols. I just told him that I'm sick so hopefully he doesn't think I'm a dumbass. He is asking very direct, specific questions, "How do you do this?" And if it isn't something that I do every single day, then I have no recall at all, even it is something that typically I am 100% versed at and have done 100 times. This could be very bad. Normally I am so on top of this shit and like the best trainer ever. Damn.

I miss Angel Hoss’s food. I was thinking about it for the last 2 days. Mac N Cheese. That last meal he made with coconut curry. All the tofus, stir frys, vegetables, noodles, cilantro, etc. and of course, the cookies. But more so the Asian stuff, really. I think of mock duck. mmmm.

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The Cleanse Fast Days 7-12
February 09, 2007