Freud would be all up in my ass if he lived to see this

August 03, 2005 - 9:00 p.m.

This is one of those things that kids are passing around on the internet. I thought that filling out one of these surveys would prevent me from having to actually use my brain or waste some time. Damn. Wrong again. Somehow it took me three hours to piece this bullshit together.

Here's how it goes: You answer the questions below, plug that answer into a Google Image search, and post one of the images that comes up on the first page.

I don't normally participate in survey-type things like this, but the strange randomness that comes up in those images is pretty cool.

(Some people don't even answer the question, they just post some wildly unrelated image of like, a hot chick or something. And then you're like: Uh, you live in that girl's uterus or what? I wouldn't do that to you.)

1) Your favorite animal: Camel
For the love of....why are Russians (?) tossing innocent camels off of skyscrapers?

2) Name of your [deceased] pet: Rusty
Mary mother of fudge! I don't have a pet, so I typed in the name of my parent's dog, and the first image was a picture of him, for real! And then I shit myself! I clicked the link and found my parents had posted him on the Adopt a Greyhound site. Can't be havin' that shit, so I went with the old standby, Rusty.

3) Your first love: Tim
Holy shit the bed! I thought I'd try what I did with the pet thing, so I typed in the full name of the boy I loved in 2nd grade, and this tardo popped up with the same name! Has anyone ever aspired to be Down Syndrome when they grow up?

4) Your favorite color: Green
Good looking boy or girl.

5) The place where you live: Illinois
Chicago, USA, duh, haven't you been paying attention?

6) Place you want to get married: Mountains Flowers
Outdoors with a breathtaking view.

7) Age you will be on your next birthday: 30
For twenty dollars I could not chose between these two images. I can only hope that my next birthday will incorporate both of these things: a biplane crashing in the desert and a smorgasboard where the meal fights back.

8) Your favorite fruit or vegetable: Clementine
A bunch of stupid shit like kittens, dolls, and dead people came up. Straight up.

9) The last name of your favorite actor: [Audrey] Tautou
You sexy fukkin bitch! Damn you to hell with that face!

10) Your favorite song: [Beethoven] Symphony [No.] 9
I'm quite pleased with this image.

11) Bad habit of yours: Late
Someday, blood will spill as a result of my inability to manage time.

12) Your middle name: Ann
I lucked the fuck out with this one: red-haired femme fatale with killer cat? Thanks mom!

13) Model of your first car: [Oldsmobile Cutlass] Supreme
Tough titty said the kitty! Another one that left me stumped, for what is more enthralling: a future stripper named Miss Supreme, or a tree full of judge-Nazi-birds with (abortion?) coathangers? I challenge you to decide.

Previous - Next

The Latest Babel

The Fast, Days 1-6
January 28, 2007