I wanted to be "Cornteeth" but it was taken

Merr AxMass

December 26, 2004 - 11:54 p.m.

<%@LANGUAGE="JAVASCRIPT" CODEPAGE="1252"%> Untitled Document Christmas with Shawna Mooney.

This year I didn’t buy any gifts for any person who has a job. Rule # 1: Only homeless and children. And not just any children, needy children. Even my own niece didn’t get anything from me because she has two parents and 65 other loving relatives so she’s all taken care of. Sorry Princess! Someday you’ll understand! This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had. No stress, no disappointment. I don’t think my friends are mad at me. My family was cool with it. I feel GREAT!

I did have a little Martha Stewart freak-out session at the last minute, and busted my ass for 48 hours, making little gifts for everyone on my “mailing list”. I just couldn't help myself. I was compelled to make homemade cards for people who probably don’t even like me, and I’m guaranteed not to get a card in return. See you in hell, assholes! Don’t come crying to me later when you get cut from my list!

If you were my friend, you would receive a big red envelope from me and when you opened it, love would come pouring out and wrap its warm furry paws around your face and turn that frown upside down. You’ve never felt love if you haven’t felt the love of Shawna Mooney, and I mean that in all seriousness. For all the hate and death that I spew here, I have 100 times the love and the LOVE.

I have no idea how people receive my love, or if they see it at all. I’m kind of leaning towards NOT. But that’s ok, because when it’s just me and my glue stick, x-acto knife and glitter pens, Love is All Around. Let me have my fantasy.

And now it is time for virtual gift-giving!

Imagine that it is Christmas morning and you are opening your mailbox.

“What’s this?”
“For me?”
“A red envelope!”

Open the envelope and feel the Love.