Seeking volunteers to set my boss on fire

December 09, 2004 - 2:18 p.m.

What a fucking cunt-bitch. To those of you who have a problem with the cunt word, shut the fuck up already because there are some bitches who truly deserve the title CUNT and my boss is one of them.

The other day I brought a bag of stuff to work to donate to our Company’s chosen Christmas charity. I went into work and decided to drop it off at Human Resources right away, instead of taking the elevator all the way up to my office and then back down again. My arms were leaden with heavy bags that I had transported on my bike, and then the subway, and then walked several blocks in the wind and rain.

I went into HR where I was greeted warmly and enthusiastically hello, hello wave and smile. Drop the shit off and explain to the lady what I am donating and who it is for. I run into the woman who is my boss’s boss, and she is also dropping off donations. We make nice-nice and talk about how fun it is [and self-serving] to donate to Christmas charities.

I get into the elevator and head up to my office and realize that I am 10 minutes late. I drop a quick email to my boss letting her know that I was late because I was down in HR dropping off donations.

I greet my co-workers and see that there is no work to be done at the moment, because we are slowing down as Christmas approaches, and we all surf the internet and wait for work to come in.

I receive an email from my boss stating that “Dropping off donations in HR is not a legitimate reason for being late” and that my tardiness is unexcused and will be recorded in my employee file.

“Donating to Christmas charities is not work related [EVEN THOUGH IT IS A CORPORATE-SPONSORED CHRISTMAS CHARITY] and in the future be advised that you must [DONATE TO CHARITY] on your own personal time [BITCH].

“Additionally, it was irresponsible to arrive late, leaving the Team [WHO COULD GIVE A SHIT] without support, and what you should have done is come straight to the office [HAULING HEAVY BAGS] and checked to see if the Team needs help doing the work [THEY DIDN’T] and then alert the Team that you will be stepping away momentarily [THEY’RE NOT LISTENING] and taken that time to drop of your contributions [TO A CHARITY FOR POOR CHILDREN WITH NO HOMES OR FAMILIES YOU CUNT].”

She then cut and pasted a paragraph from the employee handbook stating the tardiness policy and how unexcused tardiness can lead to TERMINATION and that I was WRONG and a BAD EMPLOYEE who is practically STEALING FROM THE COMPANY. And the next time you think about hauling 30 pounds of shit to work to give to the needy, THINK AGAIN because you just might get FIRED even though your boss’s boss was standing right there along side you, condoning your behavior and patting you on the back while your CUNT BOSS is NOT donating to charity, even though she makes more than twice as much money but she really needs to buy herself an IPOD and her spoiled little gook children need MORE toys MORE MORE MORE.

Now, see what she did? I never had a problem with Asians before her, but now she has driven me to say GOOK because it is so much easier than writing out “that sweaty bitch with a mustache who dresses like an airline stewardess and named her children WHITE names like Diana, Michelle, and Jacob.”

Boy, if I decide I hate someone, you can bet I quickly pull out my grade school manual on How to Insult Someone in the Most Juvenile Simplistic Low-Brow Fashion, Exploiting Their God-Given, Uncontrollable Physical and Personal Attributes to make myself feel better. Did I mention that she was partially paralyzed by polio in her third-world home country and still carries with her a gimp-limp? HA HA!

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