Another personals profile

March 23, 2004 - 7:57 p.m.

Did I say that the other one was my final attempt? Oh boy, I'm a liar. There's more where this came from. There were so many different profiles and they attracted nothing more than a corral full of cowboy monkeys. I wish.

In the end, all it took was a simple solicitation to a married man, offering free sex. It took me 2 years to figure this out. Derrr. Momma didn't teach me that.

Describing my ideal match:

Hi there. Who are you? You are a cool guy. You're so cool I'm gonna look at you with a twinkle in my eye and a smile with teeth and everything. You'll make me giggle and I'll have to look away and chew on my thumb. You're so special you get excited just being in your own presence.

You think women are pretty cool all around, but admit that some are crazy and unlikable. You seek out and attain friends, male and female, from all walks of life.

You wholeheartedly believe that real life is far more interesting than The Legend of Zelda. You are wise and know that giving a lady respect in the beginning always brings the greatest rewards later. You know better than to grow a mustache or a Kentucky Waterfall. You think jokes about crackies, hoodrats, and hillrods are hysterical, but can feign seriousness when asked to discuss them on a deeper, socio-economic level.

I'm your worthy adversary and I've got your back if you get into a fist fight. You can be Jerry except with a better haircut and minus the OCD and white sneakers. I'll be Elaine and dance like an idiot but with better clothes and smaller hair.

You're chompin' at the bit to meet a nice, honest girl who you can be friends with and hang out with...you're smiling just thinking about it:-)

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