match.com

February 11, 2004 - 11:41 p.m.

My latest personals ad, final desperate attempt...in some ways I'm so much better than this, and in others, well...

"About Me: I'm a dork with a brain, hysterical, enthralling, picture snapping, part girl, part fist-fightin' tom-boy. I've got slightly crooked teeth which I think is charming. French-fry toes and not tator-tots. I like to run on my treadmill and watch Montel on mute and try to figure out what they're saying. I can smash frijoles pintos. I hold a job, invest my money, bathe daily, got food in the fridge and a car that runs and I can read. I expect all of these outstanding qualities in a mate. Juvenile but responsible, with my head screwed on. Good lord, I laugh till the cows come home--ha ha ho ha-- I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type. Got-dam I'm so special I could pee my pants.

About You: NO marrieds, old fogeys, back door men, mustaches, wooden teeth, Kentucky Waterfalls, peg legs with a kick stand, baby daddies, ingrates, ignoramuses, indigents, perverts, lonelies, fuglies, public urinators, and non-picture-having men who either can't afford a disposable camera or have no friends to photograph them."

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